Those Words We Needed To Hear
by CJCollective
Summary: Set between Episodes 3 and 4. The conversation between Captain James and Molly as they discuss how to deal with their growing feelings for each other. What we never saw on screen
1. Time To Talk

_**We at Mumsnet have been completely drawn in by the recent Our Girl series and everything Molly Dawes/Captain James. We felt frustrated at the time lapse between episodes 3 and 4, at which point it was apparent to the viewers that Molly and the Captain had admitted their attraction to each other but had agreed to "wait out". All we had seen was Captain James resting his forehead against Molly's in the final scene at the hospital in episode 3. As a group, we agreed there was so much left unsaid on screen that we wanted to try and fill in the missing details between the two.**_

_**We have kept within the plot lines so that our two alternative chapters fit neatly (we think) between episodes 3 and 4.**_

_**It is our first foray into the world of fanfiction. A few of us have joined forces to write these chapters and if you like them, it may well inspire us to do more.**_

_**The characters belong to Tony Grounds and the BBC although we really wish they did belong to us!**_

They were face to face, eventually, in the relative privacy of a hospital room, and they could talk, but all the words that he had formed in his head before, all of the speeches he tried, whilst thinking night after night, all if his preparation suddenly failed him. He was looking into her eyes, and feeling her sorrow. Sohail's injuries were horrific, and his dignity to the end was like a weight resting on his heart. He was dying, if he wasn't dead already, and he did it to protect a woman he despised, but that HE loved.

Molly's face was still showing the strikes of teardrops falling on her cheeks, like pain marks in the afghan dust.

He had to start, somehow, but he knew that if he left the gates open his soul would pour out, and he had to thread carefully.

"Molly, look at me. It isn't your fault. Please. Look at me."

Oh, Gosh, that was going to be difficult.

"Will you believe me if I say I know exactly how you feel? Will you?"

She raised her eyes, startled somehow by the tone of his voice.

"Molly, I have been through terrible things in this war, I thought I knew hate, I thought I knew love, I thought I was above all of this and in control, but that wasn't true. I look at you and my stomach tightens and my fists hurt...because I do love you, and I feel your pain and I would do anything, anything now, to make it go away."

There. The truth was out. The expression on her face was unreadable. He had to go on:

"Army regulations forbid it, so I am NOT pulling you close, Molly. I am not tracing that tiny scar on your forehead and kissing it.

Army regulations forbid it, Molly, so I am not sliding my hands under that plait of yours and pulling your face up to kiss you. As much as I would want to, as long as I dreamt of, I am not allowed to take you somewhere and make love to you in every possible way. But this is only for now.

If you can wait for me, I can wait for you.

We have to keep it under control, Molly, I don't want to risk your career, just as much I can't risk mine. And more importantly, I don't want to risk losing focus on the mission, whilst we still are in a danger zone. That would be unforgivable. Do you understand? Do you?"

Of course she did. She was simply still taking in his first few words. He had actually said "I love you". It was true. It was bloody true. She thought she had made herself ridiculous and read all the signs wrong. She thought it could not be true, that a man like this could look at a girl like herself.

But he did.

As Molly took in his words the captain walked to the door, leaving it open so anyone passing could see in. He was struggling not to act on what he said and thought they both needed some help to get back on a professional ground.

He watched her collecting herself, wiping the tears from her cheeks, smudging the dirt and grime from her beautiful face. She took a deep breath and exhaled shakily, then another. He watched her, drinking her in. Her hair was escaping from its plait, her clothes thick with dust but she looked wonderful to him. This is all he had. All he could take to see him through the long weeks ahead as they worked out the rest of the tour. Sometimes the army was a cruel mistress.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Stirrings began in Two Section's tent, exactly thirty minutes before morning PT at 0530. Molly glanced at her bleary-eyed compatriots as they grumbled their way out of bed. She'd been ready for a couple of hours - PT kit this time; they were on the soft slide now that they'd returned to Bastion, although Captain James and Kinders had made certain yesterday that they'd remembered they were still the British army, by putting them through a punishing 10k run in the unrelenting Afghan heat.

The physical exertion helped. She hadn't been able to sleep most of the night - first she'd had a nightmare, filled with Sohail's staring, glassy dead eyes, seeing herself being shot by the Taliban after Sohail had given her up, and then bleeding out in the dust as Captain James screamed at her to stay the fuck with him.

Captain James. After the nightmare had passed and she'd woken to find herself lying there on her camp bed in between Smurf and Dangles, the night punctuated by the occasional snort and scratch, she'd wished for sleep to overtake her again so she could dream of him, but instead she'd started worrying.

Captain James. Brown, warm eyes filled with the things that perhaps shouldn't have been said, but were out in the open now between the two of them. she'd found herself drowning in the embrace of Captain James' gaze.

_I love you_.

_Army regulations forbid it, so I am NOT pulling you close, Molly. I am not sliding my hands under that plait of yours and pulling your face up to kiss you. I am not allowed to take you somewhere and make love to you in every possible way._

_If you can wait for me, I can wait for you._

Molly shuddered with the hot flush of recollection. She knew she'd been overwhelmed with the sheer emotion of knowing that she'd cheated death, but the force of his conviction - and yes, admission of love for her - had had her insides in knots, although he'd barely touched her. The atmosphere between them had been so charged she'd had goosebumps, and she'd felt the rest of her body responding to him - she'd only just been able not to fall into him and bury her face in the musky comfort of his broad chest. How the hell was she going to make sure no one discovered what had happened between them? She flushed again at the thought of how unguardedly she had left her own heart open when they'd been approaching that tarp in the road and all that she would have offered him if he'd chosen to take it from her.

_Nothing is stronger than army regulations._ Despite the physical restraint, his thoughts had found expression through words that had stripped away his rank, their situation, the uncertainty of the months at the FOB.

"Molls, you ok?"

She started.

"Shit, Smurf. Sorry, I was miles away."

"PT at 0530, make sure you're hydrated. Don't think bossman's gonna give us an easy ride today either."

"Yeah, alright mate. I'm ready."

She exited the tent ahead of the rest of Two Section and stopped short as she came face to face with Captain James.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

He bit his lip before a half-laugh escaped him.

"Dawes. I have to say, I only saw you six hours ago, but you're a sight for sore eyes."

He smiled at her, an intimate look passing between them, and suddenly the worry left her. They'd make this work. They'd wait out.


	2. Still Waiting Out

**_This next chapter is our version of events during episode 5, when Captain James tells Molly they no longer need to 'wait out' . It takes place before the famous restaurant date in Bath. We at Mumsnet felt, as we did with the time lapse between episodes 3 and 4, there was so much left unsaid and that maybe the BBC could even have done a sixth episode. Thank you for your encouraging reviews so far and we have been spurred on to write more. We hope you enjoy our latest effort._**

**_The characters belong to Tony Grounds and the BBC although we really wish they did belong to us!_**

As he lay in his hospital bed, Captain James held his hand out to Molly and pulled her towards him. His deep brown eyes were gazing at her as he stroked her face. "There's nothing in our way anymore, we don't have to wait out. " Molly stared back at him, a hesitant smile forming on her face. Her heart was still racing from what he had just told her, that the army had always come before everything, even his marriage, until he'd met_her_. That now he wanted to resign his commission. And after everything that had happened, here she was, finally with him, and he was telling her they could be together. Her mouth was dry and she swallowed. She wanted to say so many things but nothing came out. " The Corporal's waiting for me, I've got to go back to Barracks."  
>" Molly..."<br>She tried desperately to hold back her tears but one trickled down towards his thumb.  
>"Sir, I'm just so happy you're still alive, so happy."<p>

The Boss looked at Molly, trying to hide his confusion. This was all he wanted, and he had thought Molly felt the same?

Molly tried to get up to leave, but the Captain held onto her hand and pulled her back down. She just looked at him, desperate to tell him how she felt, but not being able to put it into words. Of course she wanted to be with him, more than anything she had ever wanted before. But at the moment, all she cared about was that the Boss was alive, and she needed him to stay alive. Sitting with Smurf, waiting to see whether he was going to wake up was the longest night of her life. But what if it happened again ... the nurse had said that the latest bleed was unexpected ... what if ...

"Boss, so much has happened over the past few weeks. I can't think straight. I'm all over the shop. I thought you were going to die. I thought it was my fault… I'm just not sure how much more I can take at the moment."

Molly was out of breath, she knew she was rambling, was incoherent, but she just didn't know how to handle this. She had dreamed of him declaring his intentions for months and now he had, she couldn't cope with it all. The emotions were so raw. All she kept seeing in her head was Captain James, a born leader, lying weak and bleeding in the Afghan dust. If she hadn't befriended Bashira, none of this would have happened.

"I have to go now."

On impulse, she pulled a pen out of her top pocket and wrote her mobile number on his arm.

"I'm really sorry sir, I'm a total mess. Ring me in a few days. We have our medals presentation soon then we are on R&R. I'll be at home and might be able to get my head round it all."

With that, she went off to find the rest of 2 Section and Corporal Kinders.

Captain James sank back wearily on the hospital pillows as the door closed. He watched Molly disappear down the corridor and bit his lip, hoping and praying he hadn't ruined everything.

Back home in Newham, Molly couldn't sleep. She had been like this night after night. She would wake up, her heart pounding, the sheets covered in perspiration. The image as she woke up was either of Bossman bleeding out in the scorching Afghan sun or of Badrai pointing his rifle at her. Above her, totally oblivious to Molly's mental tortures, her little sister slept peacefully in her bunk.

Molly's family was so chaotic that during the day, she barely had time to think properly at all about the last six months in Afghanistan. There were children to feed, squabbles to sort out and her parents' bickerings to try and ignore. On top of that, she had to try and get used to the frequent visits of Shazza. She would never like Shazza, she knew that, but on the other hand, she could see that she was good for Belinda and if she could help her mother focus on something other than her unruly family, then maybe it wasn't a bad thing after all.

Molly looked at the clock. 4 am. Suddenly, her mobile started to flash with an unrecognised number.

"Who's that?" she said in a muffled, sleep deprived voice.

"Molly, we have to talk. I know now is not a good time but I guessed you can't sleep, just like I can't?" said an oh too familiar voice . Familiar yes, but maybe with slightly more hesitation in it than usual.

"Boss?" she stuttered, her heart starting to pound again. "Give me a couple of minutes, I don't want to wake everyone up."

She tiptoed out of bed, opened the front door and went to stand outside on their balcony, wondering what on earth she was going to say…


	3. Promise Of Things To Come

Little did she know that at the other end of the phone, Captain James was also wondering how he was going to tackle the subject. Always so confident, this time he felt like a teenager about to ask a girl out on a first date. He had rehearsed his little speech over and over in his head whilst lying in his hospital bed and yet he was now terrified of making one catastrophic blunder. Four tours of Afghan and this was like almost the worst mission he'd ever been on.

"You ok?" he started off tentatively. _Careful now James, she's such a feisty little madam, this could be like walking through a minefield._

"Yeah, Boss, it's just that I can't sleep properly. I was wide awake when you rang. I just want to say…."

"Dawsey, I'm sorry…."

They both spoke at once.

Ever the gentleman, he let her go first.

"Boss, I'm sorry I ran out on you in the hospital. I was shit scared to be honest. Just seeing you in there, knowing it was all my fault."

"It was never your fault, never think that. And I sprang it on you, all that stuff about resigning my commission and that we could be together. It was too soon, I realise that now."

There was silence from Molly's end. _Shit he thought, I've screwed up again. _He bit his lip apprehensively and ran his hands through his hair. _Thank God she couldn't see him._

Eventually Molly spoke.

"It was all I ever wanted for months. I've told you all this before. I love you like I never thought I could love anyone and we've not even done anything yet! But you're out of my league Boss. Do you think we could make it work? You're posh an' all that shit and I'm definitely not posh!"

_God, when am I going to tell her to call me Charles. I'm fed up of Boss and Bossman. _He took a deep breath. "Molly, there's all sorts I want to talk to you about, things about me and Rebecca and why we split up and you have to understand that my son is a big part of my life. I know I mentioned it when you came to see me but there's a lot more to the story. But I need to talk to you face to face – they aren't conversations to have over the phone. My doctors tell me I should be out of hospital by the end of the week and I am going to stay with my parents for the foreseeable future. I'd like to suggest I come up to London to see you but to be honest, I won't be able to walk very far. Would you consider coming to Bath? I can sort out the rail tickets for you if you want – I know you've never been outside the M25 before!"

Again there was a long and drawn out silence at the other end of the phone. _Have I cracked it or not, he was thinking. She's such a little firecracker that it could go either way. _All sorts of ideas were flashing through Molly's mind. _Oh my God, maybe this is going to work after all. What do I say?_

"You're on Boss. I can't wait to see you and I'm sorry if I handled it badly in the hospital. Are you going to ring me when you feel up to it?"

"As soon as I can walk more than a few paces unaided, I'll be with you, I promise. I'm having quite intensive physio but I'm still on crutches though they all seem pleased with my progress. Oh and Molly… I'll be counting the days, I just can't wait to talk all this through with you!"

"Ditto."

With that, she blew him a kiss and went back to bed to catch up on some much needed sleep for a couple of hours until the whole mad circus started up again in the Dawes household.


	4. A Date At Last

She received the call from Captain James about ten days later and he suggested meeting up at a restaurant not too far from his house near the Royal Circle because he knew he would be able to walk to it. Molly's first thought after they had spoken was "Oh my God, what am I going to wear?" Her best clothes, pre-Army days, were hardly the sort of attire to be wearing to what sounded like a pretty upmarket restaurant. Well, she had money sitting in the bank these days, so it was time to spend some of it. She could ask Belinda to go shopping with her but since she'd never really mentioned much about Captain James, other than the fact he had been shot and she had had to treat him, that couldprove an awkward conversation, especially if Dave overheard them, so after much deliberation, she decided to take herself up to the West End and have a look around. She ended up asking for the services of a personal shopper.

"What is the occasion, madam, am I allowed to ask?"

"Er, well to be honest, it's a first date but it's also in a fancy restaurant in Bath and I just don't have anything even vaguely suitable."

The woman smirked to herself knowingly. "I have just the dress."

Molly woke up with butterflies not only in her stomach but they seemed to be flying around everywhere inside her. She could barely force any breakfast down. She'd never mentioned anything to her mother even after buying the dress for the date so when she was ready to go out to catch the train, Belinda just looked at her in amazement.

"Molls, you look stunning! Where on earth are you off to, done up like a dog's dinner and so early in the day?"

"Mum, I'm meeting some of my section – they want to come up to town and we're going for lunch. Not sure what they want to do later, maybe we'll go to a club or a show or something, depends how long lunch lasts. Knowing that lot, they're going to drink themselves stupid. Don't wait up!"

Belinda watched her daughter walk down the street with a bemused look on her face and then shook her head in disbelief. The army had certainly changed Molly beyond all recognition.

The train from Paddington was on time and the journey passed easily. Molly spent the time reminiscing about the first time she had met Captain James and how they had set off on the wrong foot. When had she actually realised she had feelings for him? To be honest, she couldn't quite recall because she had refused to admit it to herself for ages, having to keep everything buried deep inside but it was probably when he called her into his quarters that night to give her the words to the duet. He called her Dawsey. She hugged herself and smiled at those cherished memories.

A text bleeped on her mobile: _I just can't wait to see you. xx_

She chose to walk from the railway station. He had said to take a taxi but it was a lovely day and she needed to clear her head. She took in the magnificent Georgian houses and wondered which one of these belonged to his parents. It was a world away from Newham, that was for certain.

Despite her nerves, she had dared herself to think beyond the lunch in the restaurant – well, would there be anything beyond it? Would they have to resort to a Travelodge? Even if they did, it was going to be better than behind the Indian takeaway with Smurf who had never really let her forget that. She smiled to herself; that was her secret.

She saw the restaurant and pushed the door open. There he was, drumming his fingers on the table. She hadn't even been able to picture him wearing ordinary clothes. He had always been in uniform. He saw her and stood up as she walked towards him.

"You look beautiful," he said and leaned down to kiss her.

_**a/n: Thank you for all the lovely reviews. We have had many discussions about how we think conversations would have been, what we would like to have seen in all the episodes. We will be writing some more fan fiction over the next few weeks. Fan Fiction is new to us all and we have really enjoyed writing and reading the wonderful fan fiction. Special thanks to klipdoctor for inspiring us **_


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